Cupid’s Co-Op: Key Questions Every Couple Should Ask Before Buying a Home

When I met Mark and Jamie* last spring, they were brimming with excitement and a touch of nervousness about buying their first home together. They had been saving diligently for years and felt ready to take the plunge. However, as we began discussing their plans, it became clear that while they shared a common goal, their expectations and priorities weren’t entirely aligned. Mark was keen on finding a fixer-upper that he could put his skills to work on, dreaming of custom renovations. Jamie, on the other hand, preferred a move-in-ready home to avoid the stress and unpredictability of ongoing projects.

This initial consultation highlighted the importance of having deep, meaningful conversations before making such a significant commitment.

Buying a home is one of the top financial goals for 75% of my clients, and usually not because it’s part of a well-thought-out plan to diversify their investment portfolio. However, there are many valid reasons to buy a house, including stability, potential for appreciation, and personal satisfaction.

For most of us, purchasing a home is the largest purchase we’ll make in our lifetimes. Before taking this significant step, it’s important to align your visions to ensure you’re ready to face the challenges and benefits of homeownership together. So, before you take the plunge as a couple, do yourselves a favor and make sure that you’re both on the same page about why you want to be homeowners and what homeownership will mean to you as a couple and as individuals.

Marriage may be built to last, but a 30-year mortgage is its own kind of long-term commitment. Before you say “I do” to a home loan, consider these essential questions:

1. What Are Our Long-Term Goals?
Understanding each other’s long-term goals is fundamental before making a decision as big as buying a house. Are you planning to grow your family? Do you foresee a job change or relocation? Discussing these topics can help determine the type of home you need, the location, and whether buying a house aligns with your other life aspirations.

2. What Can We Realistically Afford?
It’s essential to get real about your finances. Examine your combined income, debts, and savings. How much can you afford to spend on a house without compromising your lifestyle and other financial goals? Remember, the cost of home ownership isn’t just the mortgage; consider property taxes, insurance, maintenance, and potential renovations. Use this conversation to set a realistic budget.

3. How Will We Handle Unexpected Expenses?
Home ownership comes with its set of unexpected challenges and expenses. Whether it’s a broken water heater or a leaky roof, these issues can strain your finances. Discuss setting up an emergency fund specifically for home-related issues. Understanding how you’ll handle these situations can reduce stress and prevent financial strain.

4. What Are Our Must-Haves and Deal-Breakers?
Each person may have different ideas about what they need in a home. One might dream of a large backyard while the other prioritizes a home office. Make a list of must-haves and deal-breakers for your new home. This exercise ensures that both partners feel their needs are considered and can help streamline the house-hunting process.

5. How Will Home Ownership Affect Our Other Financial Goals?
Buying a home should not derail your other financial objectives. Whether it’s saving for retirement, building an investment portfolio, or planning a vacation, discuss how home ownership fits into these goals. You might need to adjust your timelines or contributions to these goals, so having a clear understanding is crucial.

6. What Is Our Timeline?
Timing can play a significant role in the homebuying process. Discuss each other’s ideal timeline for moving into a new home. Are there any upcoming events or financial milestones that could impact this timeline? Having a clear timeline can help prioritize your actions and make the process smoother.

7. How Will We Divide the Homeownership Responsibilities?
Managing a home involves more than just financial contributions. Discuss who will handle various tasks and responsibilities, from paying bills to ongoing maintenance. Clear roles can help prevent disagreements and ensure that the workload is balanced.

8. What’s Our Plan B?
It’s wise to consider scenarios where things might not go as planned. What if one of you loses your job, or what if the housing market shifts? Discussing a backup plan can provide a safety net and reduce anxiety about the unknown.

By the end of our sessions, Mark and Jamie had developed a comprehensive understanding of each other’s perspectives and crafted a well-rounded plan that catered to both their needs.

Buying a home together is a major step that can affect every aspect of your life. By asking these questions, you can ensure that both partners are on the same page and ready to take on the responsibilities of home ownership. Remember, the key to successful financial decisions as a couple is open communication, mutual understanding, and shared goals.

Happy house hunting!

*Names were changed to protect the identity of individuals